dear diary

ugh everything is so messy and i feel just so UUUGGGGHHHHHH. do i really or am i starting to be delusional? is everything actually getting harder or am i growing weaker?

how are the expectations of people so incredibly high? i am not that person. i am not even who i think i am in my head. have you ever gone so deep into an existential crisis that you feel as if your brain will collapse on itself?

it's about being so extremely hyper-aware of everything and it feels as if every single theory your mind creates does not make sense while it does? perhaps it is a rambling or perhaps i am simply just losing my mind. 

i wonder if there is a fine line between being grounded in knowing who exactly you are and just tipping over the edge of insanity  by discovering too much of yourself. or is that called "overthinking"?

sometimes when i rant my brain out, it feels like therapy or poetry.

the scarred heart of a poet's burning passion. i am burning   in flames. the passion engulfs and licks me the way my body is convulsing to force my mouth to spit out the words of poetry as fast as my heart race.

this is what life is. to feel every emotion so immensely that it leaves your torn and gasping for air because poetry has ripped every piece of energy from you.

you grow tired. your body craves for rest. your mind and heart grown dormant until you awake once again and the passion rushing into your soul again, filling you with a thrill of emotions.

so the ugh and messiness are just jumbled up feelings. a chaotic mess of brain and heart.

please dear diary, hear all these thoughts. keep them safe for another tortured soul looking for the flames.