choices

what influence our choices?

music? our surroundings? other people's opinions? the media? our own logical thinking patterns? we will never know or truly understand since every moment that passes by leaves us with our decisions and we never get to peek into the plans of the other universes that have been set out for us. how sad must that be. a better (or worst) life is just out there. a complete different reality, barely beyond the touch of our fingers but we are confined to the decisions in the moment. and it isn't even always our own. 

what leads us to make the choices we choose in the end? maybe somewhere somehow, the universe grants us an understanding into the reality of the other possible choices. in the end, how can we ever know? 

how troublesome our hearts must be, to live in the unknown. to carry the heavy aches of what could have been. we are prisoners of the unknown. we are trapped in an existence of our own choices based on our limited knowledge and understanding of life.

alas, when the end of time catches to all of us, we live with the knowledge of knowing something always could have gone better but we accept reality to prevent insanity.

¿how to grow up?

growing up. is it a trap or an adventure? i guess it depends on who you're asking. if you ask me on a good day, it's an adventure but catch me on a bad day, i'll tell you it's the worst trap known to mankind. but honestly, what is growing up? is it doing taxes or going to watch 18+ films? 

i don't think we ever stop "growing up". i think at some point society forces us to fit into a mold of unrealistic expectations and shove this reality down our throats. we're born into a world of trouble, chaos and convince ourselves that difficult times create a better, stronger and mature version of you and me. but what if we didn't have to go through all that? 

imagine a life where you find contentment in everything you do. whether it is a nonsensical thing or not, it only makes sense to you and makes you happy. how would life look like then? often times we force ourselves to mature is a toxic manner. i may sound crazy but hear me out.

you know how children do what they want because it makes them happy? i don't understand why all that stop when you hit puberty. if we can be gentle and loving towards young children and the elderly, why do we leave the middle part of life for struggles, turmoil and unhappiness? 

in the time our bodies, mind and soul are at peak is when we are pressed upon a wall of "why are you acting like that? grow up!" there's so much flowing in our souls but we are forced to keep our heads down, be quiet and let the playground bullies destroy us bit by bit.

growing up, to me, is the equivalent of becoming better. not by forcing myself to do things i have to but instead doing things because i want to. to come to a place of understanding what and why i am doing certain actions.